So after 6 months in Sanremo, I will be heading up north to
serve in Milano. I am excited and sad at the same time. I will be
bottle-breaking, or follow-up training a sister, which means that she is going
into her 3rd transfer and is just finishing up being trained. My companion will
be staying here to train a new missionary.
It has been a crazy and slightly stressful week. Transfer
weeks always are. But things will all work out. We have eaten enough in these
past few days to solve world hunger... Literally or three meal
appointments every day. And we're talking Italian meal appointments. You don't
just eat. YOU FEAST. I may or may not have gained like 5 pounds in the past
three days.
It's amazing how during the mission, all of our weaknesses
just become amplified. There are some nights when I'm on my knees praying
asking God to just change my heart so that I can be a better missionary and be
a better tool in His hand. It's incredible how easily we can get in our own
way. And even worse, we get in God's way. He can't work with someone who's
prideful. He can't mold and fix and change someone who is selfish. He needs
someone with a soft heart and a willing and open mind. I, unfortunately happen
to be a pretty prideful person. And during my mission, I have been presented
with several situations and opportunities to step down off my high horse, and
just be humble and teachable. There are some lessons that take more time to
learn. But it's okay to fail. It's okay to be weak. It's not okay to give up.
Fail a million times if you have to. Fall on your knees and say a thousand
prayers asking God to help you change if you have to. I certainly will continue
to do so. I know that I am weak. I know that I'm not perfect. I continue to
discover and understand what are my exact weaknesses, and I know that with
prayer and with time, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, my heart will be
changed.
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| Maserati! |
I remember when I was at home, I looked at the missionaries
and thought wow. They're perfect! They've got it all together. They are
amazing. I want to be like them. Well, I'm a missionary now, and I can tell you
that we aren't perfect. We don't always have it all together, and we aren't
always amazing. But I do try every day to let go of my weaknesses and give them
over to my Savior. I am walking this long road of conversion and discipleship.
It is bumpy sometimes and it isn't always comfortable. But the bumps and
discomfort come from my own obstacles that I put in the way. I know that God
loves us. I know that Christ loves us. I know that Jesus Christ will clear our
path of those bumps and obstacles in the way. We just have to open our heart
enough to let Him in and get to work.
The mission is the most incredible experience of my life. It
is so hard and so wonderful and so unique. I can hardly believe how quickly the
days go by. I would not give back this time or this experience for
anything.
Tonight we will have a festa for me and for Anziano Tolman
who will also be transferred to the exact same city and ward as me. I will miss
Sanremo so much. I have learned so much here. I have seen and experienced so
much here. But I know that I will continue to grow and learn and enjoy my
mission in Milano.
I am grateful for my weaknesses. I know that, as it says in
Ether twelve: twenty-seven (the numbers on this keyboard don't work), we are
given weakness so that we may be humble and then when we go to Christ with
those weaknesses, he can turn them into strengths. That's what I'm striving to
do with my many weaknesses. I invite and challenge all of you to do the
same.
I love you all.
Love,
Sorella Tokarski
