I never understood the phrase "the days feel like weeks
and the weeks feel like days", until now. When we first entered the MTC,
people said that phrase all the time... But I now understand it and it is SO
true. The days take forever... They feel so long. But then at the end of the
week, you think to yourself how quickly it went by.
I had a really great week! Last Tuesday, a group of us
Italian missionaries got to leave the MTC, go on a train to Salt Lake City, and
go to the Italian consulate. We had to make a physical appearance in order for
our visas to go through. It was a super great day and we had a fun time on the
train, and riding the Trax downtown salt lake to get to the actual consulate.
We had Jimmy Johns for lunch that day, and I thought of you Dad. :) Leaving the
MTC for that trip was exciting, and it made me even more excited to leave for
Italy, but it also made me a little bit more nervous. The MTC is just this big
safe bubble. It'll be intimidating to be out in the real world again without
the assistance of our teachers and endless language resources and references. 
On that same night, we had Elder Bednar come and speak to
us. His testimony of the Book of Mormon was so strong and so powerful. It was
so touching to me to hear and feel the truth of his words and I will never
forget what I experienced that night.
On wednesday night I wrote in my journal about how rowdy my
district was! Hahaha. There comes a point when you've been studying and
learning Italian and the principals of the gospel for so many hours, that you
just can't focus any longer. When we hit that point, we usually just end up
laughing deliriously, joke around and tell stories, and enjoy each others
company. Then Anziano Sorddes ends up giving us a big long lecture, and
everyone tunes out except me because I'd feel bad if every one in the room
ignored him... I'm just enjoying every moment here, and my testimony is growing
every single day.
Being a missionary is the best. I love the spirit that I
feel ALL the time. I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I wouldn't
be feeling and experiencing what I am if it was not. Even with the struggles
and difficulties that come every single day, I know that they are for my
benefit and they are to help me to learn to more fully rely on my Savior. I
know that this experience that I am having at this time in my life is exactly
what I need to become more like the family member, wife, and mother that
Heavenly Father wants me to be.
On Thursday, we had service first thing in the morning. All
we had to do was put up flags from different countries all around the MTC,
which was really fun! Then we cleaned windows and glass doors. It was great! :)
Friday was a really hard day. I was exhausted in every
possible way. A mission is hard work, and I'm barely into my seccond week of
being in the training center. The schedule is extremely full and demanding, the
language is difficult, companions are hard to deal with, and it's really easy
to feel incapable and inadequate. But each obstacle and difficult thing that
I've faced so far, has been far outweighed by the incredible spirit that I
feel, the inspiration that I receive every day, and the ways that I have
learned and grown thus far. I have to constantly remind myself of why I'm here,
what this is really about, and that this time of my life belongs completely to
my Savior. Basically, being a missionary can feel really bipolar, but it is all
largely dependent upon attitude, and remembering your purpose.
All of us sister missionaries were talking about how we just
cry all the time now. We're all so much more sensitive now. At devotionals and
and talks, we cry, getting letters from home, we cry, sharing our testimonies,
we cry, singing hymns together as an MTC, we cry. We're all just a bunch of
bawl babies now!
Shari Dew came to speak to us on Sunday night and she spoke
a lot about being completely focused on our missions and asking for and
receiving help from Heaven every day. It was great!
I also saw the guy from The District! He's the blonde haired
one who quit his band to go on a mission. It was crazy.. I was like oh
wait...... I KNOW THAT GUY! hahah it was pretty funny.
I am so proud and honored to wear a name tag that has both
my name, and the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, on it. I love him with all of
my heart. I know him, and I know that he is with me every single day. He has
always been here and and is always there for each and every single one of us. I
don't know how. But I know that he is. Often, we don't realize his presence. It
took me getting to the MTC, being fully immersed into his teachings for me to
realize how close by he really is. But I can now see very clearly his hand in
my life, and I feel his love for me daily. I am strengthened, uplifted, and at
times carried by him. I know that my weaknesses don't matter to him. He accepts
my best no matter how imperfect it may be, and through him, my weaknesses can
be made strengths. He makes up the rest when I fall short, which I do every
single day.
I don't know how many people will be willing to listen to
the message that I am humbly preparing to share. I don't know how many doors I
will have slammed in my face. I don't know how many names I'll be called or how
many times I'll be made fun of. I don't know how many families and individuals
God has prepared specifically for me to teach with the aid of the spirit. But
what I do know is that Jesus Christ lives. He stands at the head of his church
today and through a modern day prophet, leads and guides us. He atoned for the
pains, sins, and heartaches of every single human being. He sacrificed all and
endured all for the sole purpose of creating a way for us to return home to him
and to our Father in Heaven. I know him. I love him. I desire to be like him;
to love selflessly, to teach humbly, and to become perfect as he is through his
atonement and grace.
Words can not accurately describe my feelings for my Savior,
for my Heavenly Father, or for my love of the gospel. But I hope that my
actions and service for him now and the rest of my life will show what my words
can't say.
I love you all. :)
Enjoy your week.
Until next monday,
Sorella Tokarski
