Wow. This moment is kind of unreal. I can't really believe
that it's my last pday. To say that it has flown by would be untrue and oh so
clichè. It has more than flown by. I barely even blinked and here I am.
Anyway- Before I get to all of the mushy gushy end of
mission feels, let's talk about this week.
It's been about 100 degrees and 99,000% humidity the last
two weeks. It's so hot that we take cold showers at night and run and jump in
bed soaking wet with a fan blowing on us. That lasts about 5 minutes and then
we're dry again. It's so hot that your shoes sink into the pavement because
it's just tar or something like that. We spend all day every day soaking wet in
sweat. Air conditioning doesn't exist. Anywhere. The air in the house is so hot
and stuffy that our fans just blow hot air. It's unlike anything I've ever
experienced. It is so deliriously hot. (prepare yourselves fam... wear all
white, and the least amount of clothing possible while still being modest) It's
great though. We just walk around laughing all day because we can't even
believe how hot it is.
We have been just kind of saying goodbyes all week which is
hard. Most of my pictures from this week consist of me being red in the face
and puffy in the eyes and lots of hugs. It's great though because when people
ask if I'm okay I can say, "oh yeah I'm fine, it's just so hot that I'm
sweating from my eyes!" Seems to be working well so far.
Chris got baptized on Saturday and it was AMAZING!!! It went
so well. The spirit was so strong and it was the perfect way to spend my last
weekend in the mission. His whole family came to support him and it was just a
beautiful experience.
Okay. Now for all the feels and miracles and things I've
learned.
Man. The mission has taught me so much. As I reflect on all
that I have learned and how much I have changed, I am filled with gratitude and
my eyes just get kind of misty. Of the many lessons I've learned, one of the
most important has been to recognize the promptings of the spirit and to follow
them immediately. I have seen MIRACLES from following that simple but extremely
important process.
For example, a woman came to church one sunday, and I didn't
recognize her. The spirit said, "GO TALK TO HER NOW". I did as
directed, and 4 weeks later, Yovana was baptized.
Another example. I was on the metro and saw a young filipino
man just sitting there. I felt prompted to talk to him. I did. We exchanged
numbers and I got his address and set a return appointment. After trying to find
his home and failing, calling his phone that was broken, and saying a lot of
prayers, we felt we had lost him. About a month later, I felt again prompted to
speak with a filipina woman on the metro. I did. It turns out that she was a
less active member whose records had never been transferred. We set a return
appointment. I was shocked to see that her address was the same as the boy from
a month earlier. IT WAS HIS MOM. After clarifying how to arrive at her house,
we were finally able to meet the sarmiento family. During our first meeting
with them, we found out that her 14 year old son (different than the first one
from the metro) had a lot of questions and was really interested. Chris was
baptized this weekend and the Elders will begin to work with his older brother
(metro boy) and their father.
Another example. A former investigator that I had been
teaching when I first got to Milano started to come to church again. It was
kind of a brutal ending. She got up and walked out of a lesson one day and we
didn't hera from her again. So when she showed up again in church 4 months
later, I was more than just a little bit surprised. After about a month of her
coming each week, I felt I needed to do more than just greet and welcome her. I
asked her why she had come back and if we could do anything at all to help her.
She looked me in the eyes and said that she felt she was ready to be baptized.
Two weeks later, she was!
I could go on for days and days about cool experiences and
miracles like that. But those are the three that stuck out the most to me.
Following the promptings of the spirit immediately literally brings
salvation.
I have learned the importance of putting others before
myself. I have learned to hold my tongue. It doesn't matter if I think I'm
right, or if I want to say something. It DOESN'T matter. The mission has been
by far the most humbling event to have ever taken place in my life.
My patience has been tested. My faith has been pushed. My
heart has been broken multiple times. I have felt the most joy I've ever known:
I've felt the deepest sorrow. I have come to know my Savior Jesus Christ. I
have preached of him. I have worn his name over my heart these last 18 months,
and even though the tag is about to go away, his name won't. I took it upon me
when I stepped into the waters of baptism and I will continue to bear it every
single day of my life. I have done my best to represent him and to invite others
to come unto him. I only hope and pray that I have represented him well and
that I have made him proud.
My heart breaks to know that I have to leave these people. I
have tried to give them all that I have to give. I have absolutely given them
my whole heart. I have served them and loved them. Listened to them. Prayed for
them. Prayed with them. Cried for them. Cried with them. I have tried to
comfort and bear their burdens. I have sought out and received guidance from
the spirit and revelation as to how to help them, and to know what they needed
to hear and feel. I have laughed with them. Eaten SO MUCH with them. I've made
endless treats and goodies. I go to bed at night thinking of them and wake up
thanking Heavenly Father for them. I have watched people here CHANGE their
lives. I have watched them fall, and I have watched them get back up again by
taking Christ's outstretched hand. My words can't even describe accurately what
I feel and how much I love these people here in Italy. They will forever be a
part of my family and they will always have such a special place in my heart. I
wish I could stay with them longer, and continue to watch them progress and
move forward. I have never experienced so much true love and happiness than I
have here.
I am eternally grateful to God that this was his plan for
me. As much as there were people here who needed me, I needed them. I needed
this mission. I have been forever changed. It has given me a solid foundation
on the which I can build a marriage and an eternal family.
I have learned of the necessity to read and pray daily. 3
hours of church really isn't that long and there is so much to be taken and
gained from those few brief hours in the week. I have learned so much from each
of my 10 companions. I have learned the importance of speaking kind words
often, especially in a companionship. I have learned of the importance of
giving my will to God. No matter how hard I plan or want to do something my
way, God's will will ALWAYS be done in one way or another. Punto basta. I am
constantly striving to understand His will and then accept it, and then do it.
I have learned that repentance isn't just for "the big sins" but also
for all of the little stupid ones. I have a much greater appreciation for the
atonement and the sacrament. I feel the difference it makes in my life to renew
my covenants with God each week. I have a much greater perspective and vision
of our purpose here and the end goal. The end goal isn't get married, graduate
from college, have 9 kids, 50 grandkids, drive nice cars, take cool vacations,
see the world... The end goal is eternal life with those that we love and with
our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. Everything that we do should be
centered around that end goal. All the other things we can do are great and fun
and wonderful. But nothing matters as much as returning home to our loving
Father in Heaven.
I know that God lives. I know that He loves His children. I
have been blessed to feel a portion of that love for those people that I have
served and that I have served with. I will never stop doing this work. Bringing
souls unto Christ is not just the job of the full time missionaries. That's the
biggest scam of all time. ANY MEMBER OF THE CHURCH HAS THE GOD GIVEN CALLING TO
INVITE OTHERS TO COME UNTO JESUS CHRIST. We are his representatives. Anyone who
has been baptized IS a full time missionary. You may not wear a tag or be set
apart. But your covenants are real. And you made your choice to take upon you
his name and serve him. Do it.
I am so grateful for all that I have learned. And I could
continue to go on. But I know I also have to give a homecoming talk and I'll
have plenty of other opportunities to share what I've learned with those I
love.
Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for your
prayers.
I love you all.
See you soon.
Love,
Sorella Tokarski
